We, single mums, have a tough task. We have to provide for and raise our children all on our own. It isn’t easy but so many incredible mums around the world not only succeed in doing this but actually thrive in this situation and do amazing things with their careers and raise some fantastic kids. The truth is that while it is hard to be a single mom it is possible. Sometimes movies and TV present single moms as the worst way to end up, as if in the lottery of life you got the worst draw, that is not the case. I love my life as a single mom and to be totally honest from talking to some of my married friends I often think that I am the one that has an easier life.
Don’t get me wrong, if there was a partner who I could share the workload with at home and if we could earn double the amount of money that I do that would certainly make life easier. I would not say no to a prince charming walking into my home who offered these things. Yet while the life of a single mom is not as bad as it is made out to be, the life of a married mother is often not as cheery as we imagine either.
During the pandemic, my kids have been at home and it has been tough. I have had to be even more flexible with work so that I could look after them. The house has been messier than usual, more chaotic than usual and I am sure my work standard has dropped a little. There were many times I thought that if I just had a little more help, if my (nonexistent) partner could mind the kids while I get some work done, then everything would fall into place. Talking to my married friends shows that is just a dream.
While I complain about my kids being at home, all my married friends are complaining about the kids being at home and the biggest kid of all, their husband. While I am sure there are some perfect husbands out there it is rare to find one that doesn’t leave you with more tasks to do. My friends have told me about the chaos in the house and that their husbands leave them to solve it. One husband needed peace and quiet to do his work so fought with his wife because “she wasn’t controlling the kids”. Another husband didn’t need peace and quiet so played loudly with the kids right when his wife needed some quiet time to finish some admin tasks. Let’s face it, men are a nuisance, and while we think they will help they often make things worse.
Of course, men have their qualities but during the coronavirus pandemic their inability to multitask has been clear and all of my female friends can not wait to see their kids return to school and their husbands return to wherever the hell they go from 9 to 5 every day. Whereas I have found a rhythm. It was tough to begin with but as it is just me and the kids I know I have full control over what happens in the house and I can set things up to suit my needs. I am also not increasing my anxiety by sitting there wishing my partner would help more. I see the task that needs to be done and I know it falls on my shoulders, simple.
This post may surprise you as I am not looking for any pity for the single mother. Instead, I am saying we are the lucky ones. I get to spend so much time with my incredible children and I plan every detail of how to organize and ensure the rights things are done. I don’t need a partner because I have everything under control.